the bible is a story full of good lessons and one of them is to never piss off a woman who wants to top

since i said no pantheon gets left out
let's start with the abrahamic pantheon
now fellas we're talking about big-G and his buddies
and children
and j.c& co.
and the other folks
and in general the bible does have a few interesting stories
like when cain and abel invented sibling rivalry
or lot being an idiot (and his daughters roofieing him)
and jesus flipping tables and whipping people
but i do prefer bible fanfics

so, after god makes earth and animals and stuff
he's like
okay
how about humans?
yeah that seems cool
 so g-man make
the two folks out of dirt
lilith and adam
and everything is fine and dandy

god is... somewhere
and everywhere
that's just how he rolls
and lilith and adam are having a good time

but they eventually get bored
and decide to do something fun
with their genitals
(i think you know where this goes)
so they start arguing about who is gonna top
lilith is like
i wanna top
but adam is like
but i'm a dude i wanna top
and lilith is having none of that shit
and i don't know flies away
with some magic spell satan taught her at some point of her existence
and in a version of the myth
 it's said that satan is the one who was like
hey it would be cool if you two boned yknow
but most of that is unclear to me

but to the part of the myth i understand

so lilith runs away
*flies away
 and adam goes crying to god like
dad dad lilith is gone and i wanna bone something
dad dad fix this
and god is like
okay, fine
and puts adam to sleep
and makes eve out his rib yadda yadda

but anyways
god is like
okay lilith
you were a dick to adam
now
you will only be able to fuck animals
and have weird monster babies
see how that works out for ya

and so lilith is like
okay
well that seems fucked up
might as well kill myself

and after that you have some shit with her meeting samael who is like an angel of death after she throws herself off of a cliff and they get married and he turns out to be satan and satan and lilith are best buddies or a couple or something and lilith is like a child-eating monster yadda yadda

moral of the story?
let a woman be top
and don't tell her to swallow your babies
because she might start doing that for realizies