odin knows how to get a good deal

okay
norse mythology has nine realms
and two of those have gods living in them
those realms are called
asgard and vanaheim
and the gods basically have no real differences
except for the fact the vanir are like farming gods
while the aesir are in to fight everyone
and that's my basic understanding of it

so the vanir have this chick
freya
who is like the goddess of love, beauty, death, war
etc
but she's also some kind of a witch
and has this type of magic has something to do with looking at the future and destiny and shit 
and she goes from town to town
asking people
HEY WITCH HERE WHO WANTS SOME MOTHERFUCKING MAGIC
sprinkle that destiny glitter eyyy
and she goes to asgard and is like
eyyy ladies who wants to learn some magic 
come here learn some magic
but odin is the type of guy who would do anything for some magic and is like
woah there witch lady mind to teach me some of that destiny magic
and freya is like
that's a woman's type of magic but sure old man

so freya moves in with the aesir for a while
and after she moved in the aesir started getting bitchier
and were like
wow cool lady magic we want more
and they become greedy
and then they realize how greedy they are
and are like
okay freya you're the one who made us into assholes
well, bigger assholes than we already are
so now burn
and they set her on fire
but she's still alive
so they set her on fire again
she's still alive
they set her on fire again
third time's the charm right?
THINK AGAIN, FUCKER

and freya goes back to vanaheim
and after that the aesir and the vanir are in war
and they keep fighting for like forfuckingever
and one day they're so sick of each other every day
and sick of fighting
so they agree to give each other some of their people to each other
and call it a day
so the vanir give freya, her brother frey and their dad njord
and the aesir give them this guy hoenir and mimir

and they're okay in general
the aesir are cool with having two fertility gods and their sea god dad in there
and the vanir are happy with getting hoenir who is like
super smart and can give super good advice
and can solve any riddle or problem
like the vanir come up to him and are like
WHAT'S WETTER THE MORE IT DRIES
and hoenir is like
hmmmmmmm
either a towel or your mom's vag eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
and all of the vanir are like
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa hoenir you're the man
but they don't realize
it's actually mimir whispering the answers into hoenir's ear
and when the vanir find out that mimir is actually the smart one
they straight up DECAPITATE the guy
and march to asgard and are like
what the fuck you dick
and odin is like
okay
how about we not fight
and we spit into a bowl
so we could understand each other's problems
ayyyyyyyyyy?
and the vanir are like sure fella
so they spit into a bowl
and make this guy
kvasir
who is like the most wise fucker of them all

and after the spitting competition
they all go home
and odin takes mimir's head
and puts some cream on it and is like
okay mimir tell me some advice eyyy
and mimir tells him advice in the future
but that's a story for another time

and that concludes the story of how the aesir and the vanir are buddies
and the message is
if your scheme to cheat on a deal
which is made to end a war you started by burning
one of the other team's main hoes
is revealed
offer a spitting cometition