castration is overrated, try murder

so
i've told you the greek creation myth
and it has the classical mythological elements
daddy issues, incest, murder
well
norse mythology takes the levels of fucked
from 10
to a 110
and adds genocide and armpit children to it

let's get to the story alright

so anyway
you have this gap
gingap?
genuinegap?
the 1938 movie with the weird kali worshippers?
ginnungagap?
ya i think it's that last one

so in genuinegap
you have two realms
muspelheim
which is a fire realm
and has this dude surt
who is just sitting there
waiting to fuck up the world
in ragnarok
which is the ultimate norse apocalypse
and that's surt's only purpose
fucking up the world in ragnarok
and near muspelheim
you have nifleheim
which is just
a fuckton of ice: the realm
so those two realms are right next to each other
and the fiery fires of muspelheim are melting a good chunk of nifleheim
and that makes the first giant
ymir
who i will likely refer to as a dude
even though he's like a hermaphrodite
aka has the same sex as a fucking snail
which pretty much explains why he's such a lazy fuck
lazy fuck? that's pretty harsh
you say
but i ask you how do you call someone who is just created
and the first thing he does is
lay down and start sippin milk from a primordial cows tit
anything BUT a lazy fuck
by the way the cow is
audumbla
where did this cow come from?
maybe another ice/fire product
i don't fucking know 
and this cow has like four milk rivers
and ymir drinks them all when he's not sleeping
and nothing really happens

okay
since ymir is a hermaphrodite
he doesn't really fuck to have children
and besides
what would he bang to start with?
so
the way he has children is
he sweats and smaller giants fall out
so that's nice

but over the time audumbla licks enough ice for this guy to be licked out of ice
so you have this guy
buri
and he has a son
bor
(i mean the aesir aren't exactly the most creative folk on earth but what the fuck is the naming on this one)
and bor marries this hot chick
bestla
who is the daughter of some giant bolthron
and bor and bestla have three kids
odin and his mostly irrelevant brothers
(vili and ve)
and one day odin is like
well i wanna kill my grandad
and honestly i don't know why would he would do that
some say ymir became evil
which must be the character heel-dick turn of the century
because
how the fuck do you from a lazy milk-drinking-sleeping fuck
to a straight up evil motherfucker?
honestly?
like with many parts of this myth
i have no fucking idea
but odin was pissed at him for some reasons
and him and his brothers come to ymir one night
or it could be day
because the fella was sleeping all the time
and just kill the living shit out of him
so all the blood that spills from ymir's corpse flows and flows
almost drowning out all the giants
except like this dude and his wife

so you know
the creation of world?
off to a good start
won't cause a whole race be mad at the aesir
FOREVER
no
not at all

so odin is like
fuck
what do i do now that i killed grandpa
well what are ya gonna do odin?
certainly not desecrate your gradfather's corpse and make a realm out of it
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?
well joke's on you motherfuckers
because that's exactly what he's gonna do
so odin drags ymir's lifeless husk over genuinegap
and makes ymir's blood into the sea, rivers and lakes
ymir's  bones into mountains
and his teeth and the remaining bones into small rocks and pebbles
and then when it seems like everything is made
odin sees a bunch of maggots crawling in ymir's rotting corpse
and is like
hey maggots
wanna make something out of your sad maggoty lives
like you know
four of you can hold ymir's skull
which is gonna be the sky
it'll be awesome i promise
so he turns the maggots into dwarves
and they don't really do shit in the rest of this myth so whatever
and as the big finish
odin chucks his grandfathers brains into clouds
so those sweet cumulus?
motherhecking brains

but odin soon realizes that
oh shit the giants are pissed
and they're gonna come for his grandpa-murdering, genocidal ass
so he plucks out ymir's eyebrows real quick
and makes a  barricade around the world with them

so, message of the story
just don't have kids
because even if you don't do much
you'll end up dead or fucked over
or dead and get your corpse desecrated and made into a realm