all you knew about the afterlife is bullshit and a lie told to cover up a road to some solid bubbles and bjs

you know
i promised myself i’d do a bunch of myths from different pantheons
and we did the mainstream ones- greek, norse, (i owe you egyptian) and also slavic + some folktales
so you know who’s up now
the hindu pantheon
you bet your fucking ass we’re doing this

so we have this dude
brahma
and he’s like the ultimate creator of everything that exists
and he makes these two plains
plain of life and plain of death
and says to these dudes
vishnu and shiva
to do whatever they want to their respective plains

and the plain of life is pretty cool
it has like
humans, animals and plants and shit
i mean it’s not really much
it’s the normal living world what did ya expect
jacuzzis and blowjobs?
no, child
that’s in the death plain
there you have all the cool shit
but back to the life plain
so you have humans and animals
and when the birds and the bees and humans are multiplying
you get happiness
(ha-penis)
(cmon i had to this is the boring part)
and the fuckers were incredibly depressed after the original happiness
and they didn’t like that
so humans all run up to vishnu like
aw man we have joy
but we’re also depressed as shit
pls help
and vishnu is like
ok ok
have love
yeah that’ll do
so there’s love
which makes no one care about their depression
but you can’t live out of love so
people start eating
but there are so many people
and not enough food in the nature
and this guy is like
well i mean we could like make our own food
and everyone else is like
holy shit fuckballs
so they start doing shit like
working in their gardens or some shit
and everything is okay
until
everyone is tired as balls
and they all drag their asses to vishnu
and start moaning about being tired
and vishnu makes sleep
so that’s nice
but people get bored easily
and everyone got sick of doing the same shit all over again
every single day
so they come to vishnu again
and ask for something more permanent than sleep
and vishnu is like
well you know there’s this other realm
death plain, yknow
and there you have my buddy shiva
he might help you
so a good part of humans get to the death realm
and realize that compared to the life plain
death plain is like
the shit
everyone is like holy fuckballs
and people start going in in hordes
like you know how fast you are running from your responsibilities by reading this?
twice the speed of that
and when almost everyone is in the death realm
vishnu realizes
he’ll look like an idiot
an absolute buffoon
a complete pussyass bitch
if he doesn’t do something about this
because no one wants to own a shitty realm
with no one in it
so he does the only thing he can do in this situation
goes crying to brahma and starts bitching and moaning
about how everyone is in shiva’s realm
except like this hot dude and chick
but they’re gonna leave too
so that sucks ass
and brahma is like
well what the fuck do you want me to do
and vishnu is like
make shiva’s realm suck more so the humans go back to my realm
and then brahma is like
well
i can’t do THAT
but here’s one thing i can do
put a veil between the living and the dead
so no one realizes how cool the death plain is
and i’ll put two guards
FEAR and PAIN
so no one comes in without fear and pain
and vishnu is like
that’ll do, too

and that’s the story of how life and death became a thing

so the message of the story is
don’t let fear and pain stop you from dying
because the death realm is so much cooler
and pain and fear from death is just an invention to stop you from leaving
and enjoying jacuzzis and infinite blowjobs
or something